It's a head game of me vs me.

"It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy

'Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me"

Lit - "Own Worst Enemy"

If you've been around for a while, you'll notice that most of my posts start with some lyrics. Today, I'd like to blather on specifically about the lyrics above.

One of my oldest friends for years said that this was my theme song. And it was true. I was my own worst enemy. I would constantly sabotage myself. For most of my life, I never thought I was good enough, smart enough, attractive enough. blah blah blah, you get the gist.

A fairly good description of my life before

Since I've started training in earnest, something interesting has happened. I'm might not be as smart as some, or as good looking as others. There isn't a damn thing wrong with that. Every day, I'm out there doing the work to get better at my sport. I don't skip workouts. I try to put my all into ever interval, mile, set and session. Sure I might still have some extra insulation from winter around my middle. I might not have Macca's confidence, Pott's speed, or Wurtle's awesome race reports. But I have something just as important. For the first time in ever, I believe in me.

In the past, had someone mocked my efforts at something, no matter how friendly, I would have just smiled along and laughed. Not so anymore. Now if a smart ass comment is made, my first response is: "Screw you pal. I don't see you out here doing the work day after day. You wanna mock? Get your ass out here with me. Until then STFU and go eat another freakin donut."

Truth be told... who doesn't like sprinkles?

I get defensive over this. I'm big enough to admit it. Some might say "it's just a sport, a thing you do for fun." Wrong answer. This is more than just a sport. It's my lifestyle. This sport in just the first few months has gotten me through some incredibly rough times, and good times. No matter what has gone right or wrong in my life, it's still there, waiting for me to participate in it. Not just the races, but the days of working out for the races. The long endurance rides/runs, the intervals, the speed work. The throbbing in my core when I'm pushing so hard that it feels like I'm on the edge of losing it. It's always there. 

I'm no longer my own worst enemy. I'm not working against myself. I'm not setting myself up to fail any more. 

I'm a friend to me now. I believe in myself. And that, dear friends, is the greatest gift this sport has given me. And no one can ever take that away from me.